Acceptance
by bookworm45
Summary: Tony-centric story. Tony/Gibbs Friendship. No slash. Hints of Tony/Jeanne. Tony's reflections after seeing Jeanne again in Internal Affairs. Spoilers for S5 up to Internal Affairs. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

Tony hit the switch and the elevator stopped. He slumped to the floor. It had been a long, hard day. Seeing Jeanne again, knowing the pain he caused her, and dealing with her accusation of murder had hurt. Really hurt. He wasn't exactly in love with her anymore, but that didn't stop him from wishing things had turned out differently. He mourned the loss of their relationship all over again. He'd never known a woman quite like Jeanne. Even though he knew she was a case, he hadn't been able to help falling in love with her. He remembered the first day he met her.

_Jeanne always got a cup of coffee after she got off shift. The street vendor often had her coffee ready for her when she arrived. This morning something was different. She didn't know it, but it was about to change her life._

_  
Tony made sure he was there before she was. He stalled, pretending to consider his options until she arrived. He flashed her his most charming smile and enjoyed watching her blush. He handed the man a twenty._

"_Give the lady whatever she wants." He said. _

"_The usual?" The vendor asked Jeanne._

"_Yes…Please." She said, confused. She turned to Tony. "I'm sorry. Do I know you?" _

"_Not yet." He grinned. "But I'd love to change that. My name is Tony. Tony DiNardo."_

_Jeanne usually avoided engaging strange men in conversation, but there was something about this one she just couldn't shake. He seemed decent and genuine. She knew it was foolish to judge a man so quickly, but she found him charming and attractive._

"_Jeanne. Jeanne Benoit."_

"_A pleasure, Miss Benoit." He said as he shook her hand gently. "It is Miss Benoit, isn't it?"_

"_Yes." She blushed again. He found it utterly delightful. This mission was definitely not going to be a hardship. It wasn't. At least not until it ended._

Those had been some of the most wonderful months of his life. He felt loved and accepted for who he was. Sure, he gave her a cover name, a background story, but for the most part, he was just himself, under a different name, and she loved him. It was a glorious feeling. Most women took him to bed, enjoyed his skills, and didn't care much about him at all. She was different. She was the first woman he ever really loved.

The feeling of acceptance was one he'd not felt before. Growing up he was expected to be a miniature of his father. Anthony DiNozzo, Jr. But he wasn't, he was Tony. He grew up knowing his father didn't love him. In college, he was expected to be a perfect athlete. He wasn't. He did his best, but he wasn't perfect. He partied hard, lived the part of a frat boy to the fullest, to avoid letting anyone know how much it hurt when no one accepted him. At the police department, he was accepted, but again, only for as long as he was perfect. He dare not let his guard down. It was just a matter of time before he would have to leave.

He'd tossed from one relationship to another, hoping for someone to accept him. Finally Jeanne had. Then she'd left, too. He wasn't good enough for her either.

Tony heard his cell phone ring. It was Gibbs.

"Hey, Boss." He said, shaking off his depression and standing up.

"There a reason you stopped the elevator, Tony?" Gibbs asked.

"No. No, Boss. I was just…" He searched for an explanation. "I'll just start it up again."

"You do that, DiNozzo."

Tony smiled sadly as he started the elevator again. He had to take that back. Jeanne wasn't the first one to accept him. Gibbs was. Not in the same way, of course, but Gibbs loved him, even if he didn't say anything. He showed it every day, when he slapped him on the back of the head.

"I don't slap you to hurt you, ya' know." He'd told Tony one night years ago. "I do it to get your attention. Help you be the best agent you can be."

The elevator doors opened.

Gibbs looked at Tony's face, filled with sorrow.

"You okay, Tony?" He asked kindly, stepping into the elevator.

The doors closed again.

"Never better." Tony lied.

Gibbs looked at him, obviously not buying the lie.

"You need to talk, DiNozzo, my door is always open." Gibbs offered

"Open, now, is it? Always unlocked wasn't enough for you, Boss?" Tony joked as the elevator opened in the parking garage.

"I'm serious, Tony. You need to talk. You come find me." Gibbs told him.

"Thanks, Boss." Tony wasn't sure if he'd take Gibbs up on that offer, but he felt better knowing someone cared. He was accepted, just the way he was.

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**A/N: **This is my first attempt at NCIS fanfiction. Please let me know what you think of it. It was a quick response to NCISFlashfic's Elevator challenge, so it is unbeta-ed, so your constructive criticism is appreciated, also.

Free Abby Hugs will be given to all reviewers. ;)


	2. Chapter 2

Tony ordered in Chinese food and popped in an old James Bond movie while he waited for the guy to deliver it. He thought of the conversation he'd had with Gibbs just a few hours earlier.

"_You need to talk, DiNozzo. My door is always open."_

He'd laughed it off, but maybe it wasn't such a bad idea. After 3 failed marriages, and who knows how many other relationships that didn't work, Gibbs wasn't exactly a stranger to the pain Tony was experiencing. Gibbs had even slept with girl to get information for a case. Tony wondered if Gibbs had as hard a time dealing with her as he was having getting over Jeanne. Only one way to find out, Tony decided.

Tony waited another half-hour until the delivery boy arrived. He paid for his order, tipped the boy and then grabbed his keys. He eased into his old Mustang. It looked just like the one that had blown up in the explosion. It was almost as if that day had never happened. But it had. Tony could still remember the fear. For the first time, he'd had something in common with an arms dealer. They both feared for Jeanne's life and would do anything to protect her.

_Boom _

_Tony saw his car go up in flames. The car he and Jeanne should have been in. No matter how bad things went with Rene, Tony was grateful for his intervention this morning. If her father hadn't shown up, both of them would be dead. _

_They rushed Jeanne out of the car, both protecting her with their bodies. Tony desperately wished he had his cell phone on him. Any phone would have done, really, just something that he could use to call for back up. The thought of something happening to Jeanne terrified him. Wasn't once in 24-hours enough? First the druggies, now this? _

She'd been fine, at least physically. Tony felt bad for her. Not only had she discovered that she'd been a job, she'd also learned that her father was a ruthless lawbreaker. Not any girl's idea of a good day. She'd lost her boyfriend, but her father wasn't there to comfort her. She lost her father, but Tony hadn't been there to comfort her. He didn't blame her for thinking he was a jerk, his actions, while under the Director's orders, had caused her an incredible amount of pain. No woman deserved that.

Tony pulled up in front of a specialty wines store and parked the car. He went inside and looked at their bourbon. He didn't know a whole lot about the drink, but he knew Gibbs' liked it. He stared at a couple bottles before choosing the Booker's True Barrel Bourbon. At 125+ proof, he thought Gibbs would like it. He paid for the bourbon and hurried back to the car, hoping to get to Gibbs' place before the food got too cold. But then again, they could always re-heat it if they had to.

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**A/N** Please review. Thank you to those of you who left reviews on the first chapter. Abby Hugs to all of you.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you to all of you who reviewed. Abby Hugs for you all. Please let me know what you think of this chapter as well. **

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It was almost 10 PM when Tony arrived. He picked up the take out and the bourbon and walked up to the front door. He paused. Maybe this wasn't a good time. It was pretty late, after all. What if Gibbs was already asleep? _What's the matter with you tonight?_ He asked himself. There was no way Gibbs would be anywhere but down in the basement tonight, working on that same stinkin' boat. How was he planning to get that thing out of there? Tony had wondered the same thing for years, but he had yet to find a reasonable answer to the question. Unless Gibbs had a hidden door no one else knew about, there was no way that boat was leaving that basement. Then again, maybe it wasn't supposed to.

No use just standing out here, Tony decided. He knocked firmly before entering. He closed the door and rested against it for a moment. He took in the air, the familiar surroundings. He'd never admit it to anyone, but he loved this place. It felt like home. He was always safe when he was here. Correction. He was always safe when Gibbs was here. Gibbs always looked out for him.

Tony shrugged out of his jacket and dropped it by the doorway before hesitantly walking down the basement steps. This was Gibbs' sanctuary. He knew he was welcome, but he couldn't help feeling like a bit of an intruder. That didn't last long. Gibbs looked up at the sound of footsteps and nodded at him. He hurried down the last few steps and set the food and drinks on the workbench. He breathed in the scent. Another comforting place. Always smelled the same no matter how long between his visits. Sawdust and bourbon. That reminded him.

"Got something for you, Boss." He said as he handed Gibbs the bottle to Gibbs. Gibbs just stared at it.

"If it's not what you like, I can take it back…get something else…I don't exactly buy bourbon much. If – "

Gibbs stare stopped him.

"No, it's good. I'm just surprised, that's all." Tony couldn't believe it. He'd actually managed to surprise Gibbs.

"What's with the food?" Gibbs asked.

"I ordered too much. Couldn't possibly eat it all myself." Tony said.

Gibbs looked at him.

"Since when do you have a problem eating food?" He asked. "You always get enough for two or three days of leftovers." Tony looked down at his feet. "Hey, I'm not saying that's a bad thing." Gibbs said gently. "I'm just wondering what you're doing over here. It's not everyday you show up in my basement with dinner and a 50 bottle of bourbon."

Tony took a deep breath. "You said if I needed to talk your door was open."

Gibbs nodded and started pulling out food from the bag. He handed the soup to Tony.

"Don't see anything but chopsticks in here, Tony. You better stick to the soup."

Tony grinned at him, before handing the chow mien and a pair of chopsticks to Gibbs.

"You know, Tony, you really should learn to use chopsticks."

"Yeah. My dad always said only stupid people couldn't use chopsticks. I figured I'd prove him wrong."

"You're not stupid, Tony, but it wouldn't kill ya' to learn to use 'em. C'mon, I'll show you." Gibbs grabbed another box of food; this one was hot 'n' spicy chicken with garlic. Good starter food. He helped Tony position his hands and then went back to his own food. After half a dozen failed attempts Tony finally got it right.

"Score!" He cried. He immediately blushed, feeling ridiculous for getting excited over something so small.

"Good for you, Tony." Gibbs said.

It may have looked like Gibbs was ignoring Tony's need to talk, but he knew Tony would open up when he was good and ready.

They talked about the case and worked on the boat until almost 1 AM. Tony looked at this watch and swore.

"What?" Gibbs asked.

"It's almost 1. I have this boss who always gets pissed at me if I'm late." Tony smirked.

"Then don't be late." Gibbs said.

Tony picked his keys up off the workbench. "Thanks, Boss." He said as he started for the steps.

"Thought you needed to talk, DiNozzo." Gibbs said.

"I did." Tony grinned. "Maybe next time. You're the one who said your door was _always_ open. Someone's gotta make sure you eat a decent meal once in awhile." He said as he started up the stairs. It didn't matter what they had talked about, he felt loved once again.

"G'Night, Tony."

"Night, Boss!"

He really was going to have to do this more often.

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**hypnotic voice**** You know where the little button is. You know what to do. Abby hugs await. evil laugh  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: This is it. The final chapter. Definitely the longest one, too. I hope you enjoy it.  
**

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Tony stopped by Gibbs' home at least once a week. Most of the time their conversation was of no great importance. Over time Tony opened up; just a little hint of it here and there. Gibbs just patiently waited, knowing Tony would tell him everything when he was ready.

It was a Friday evening about 9 weeks later when Tony finally opened up. Gibbs had finally agreed to come over and watch Gridiron Gang with Tony.

_They had just wrapped up a case. They had worked all night Thursday. Finally got a confession Friday evening. They were finishing up paperwork when Tony had suggested it again._

"_C'mon, Boss, you gotta see it. It's a really great movie."_

"_Not interested, DiNozzo."_

"_You've been saying that for the last three weeks. It's just one movie. Not like it's gonna jump out and kill you."_

"_Alright, Tony. I'll see the movie — " Gibbs had begun._

"_Sweet!"_

"_Let me finish, DiNozzo. I'll see the movie, but if it's no good you get the probie jobs for a week. Got it?"_

"_Yeah, Boss." Tony was sure Gibbs would love it. _

When Gibbs arrived Tony handed him a beer and put in the movie. They watched as the trouble youths opened up. They watched as Coach Porter's past allowed him to connect with the kids. Gibbs could see parts of Tony in the kids. He could see him in the coach. He understood why Tony loved the movie, he identified with the characters. He was looking for the same acceptance that they were.

Gibbs was the first to speak after the credits rolled.

"Good movie."

"So I don't have to do all the dirty work for a week?"

"Nope."

"My dad was just like that. Never satisfied. Never there."

Gibbs was silent.

"I know you know most of this from my file."

"Yep, but I'd rather hear it from you."

"When I was a little boy, I wasn't good for anything except to be dressed up in my mother's latest period costumes and be the poo boy for my father's reenactments."

Tony took a long drink of beer.

"When I was 12 my father started drinking seriously. He would come home so drunk he didn't even know me half the time. The other times were worse. He would tell me what a failure I am. How I'd never amount to nothing. He tried to beat my mother, but he was so drunk it didn't take much for the two of us to get him into bed. We'd spend those nights at a hotel a little ways out of town. Mother didn't want anyone to know of the disgrace." Tony laughed joylessly. "When I was 15 I started playing football. Life at home was still hell, but at least I wasn't there as much. My father hated football. Never came to my games. Coach Anderson treated me decent as long as I didn't blow it. But if I so much as breathed wrong, he'd come down hard and let me know he didn't mind letting me go. When I was 17 my mother died. Car accident. She was running away from my father again. When I graduated I started playing for the Buckeyes. My father disowned me. Told me I wasn't worth the space I took up. That's when I started partying hard. I played the frat boy perfectly. I would love 'em and leave 'em with a dozen girls a month, party harder than anyone for 100 miles every weekend. As long as I didn't get attached no one could hurt me.

Tony got up and took the DVD out of his player.

Gibbs still said nothing.

"Then we played Ohio State. Brad Pitt broke my leg. That was the end of football. My father laughed. Said I should have stuck with the family business. Not that he was going to give me a second chance. I graduated and took the police exam. The Peoria police department hired me. I started to trust them, but they treated me like crap. So I transferred to Philly. Wasn't much better there, so I moved to Baltimore. Worked there almost 2 years before I found the right spot. You were the first person to ever accept me as Tony DiNozzo, human being. Not star football player, or good cop, just a human being. It felt good. That's why it hurt so much when you left. While the trust felt good, it was like being abandoned all over again."

"I'm sorry, Tony."

Tony stared at him in disbelief.

"What?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to abandon you."

" s'okay. I know you had to get away for awhile. It gave me a chance to prove myself. Jenny, I mean Director Shepherd, let me take a mission. It was good. Jeanne understood me. She loved me. Just for being me. Until she found out. I felt like a first class jerk. I slept with her, took a year of her life, just because her father was no good. That time I actually believed I was the bastard she thought me to be. Worthless piece of – "

"It's the job, Tony. We do what we have to do." Gibbs looked hard at Tony. "Look at me. You didn't do anything wrong. It had to be done."

Gibbs paused, remembering.

"I had a case like yours once. Her name was Máire. Máire Da Luca. Her uncle was an Italian drug smuggler. She was the first woman I dated after – after Shannon. She was beautiful, kind, full of life. Made me feel like I could live again. But I got the information against her uncle, and it broke her heart when my testimony put him away."

Tony listened thoughtfully.

"What did you do?"

"I worked harder. Slept with my partner and learned rule 12, married and divorced three women, and burned boats."

"So you think I should try that?" Tony joked.

"You do that, DiNozzo, I'll headslap you into the next century. Ziva doesn't deserve to be treated like that."

"I think you're sweet on her yourself."

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that."

"Maybe I better say it again, then. Ignoring it isn't gonna do either of you any good."

"You trying to give _me_ advice on women, Tony? Last thing I need is another woman."

"Right," Tony said sarcastically.

Gibbs looked at the clock.

"It's almost 11:30."

"C'mon, Boss, I didn't mean it like that. I just want you to enjoy life again. Like you did when Maddie was around."

"See I think you're the one who was happy with Maddie around. Don't you break her heart, Tony, or I swear to God, no matter how much I care about you, I will make you regret the day you met her."

"So what _do_ you suggest I do?" Tony asked, trying to get off Gibbs' bad side.

"Give it time. Don't write all women off. You're still young. Plenty of time for a family."

"Thanks, Boss."

"Now I really am going to go home. It's been a long day."

"Next time we should watch _The Presidio_," Tony said. "One of the characters looks just like you. Just a lot younger."

Gibbs glared at him.

"You look better than he does, Boss."

"Do not let me hear anything like that out of your mouth ever again, DiNozzo." Gibbs said sharply.

"Woah, Boss. I didn't mean it like that."

"I know. I know. We're both tired. Time to get some sleep."

"Got a guest room you're welcome to." Tony offered.

"Not that tired, Tony," Gibbs answered as he walked to the front door. "But, thanks."

"See ya' Monday."

"Don't be late."

Tony grinned. "I won't."

"Why do I not believe you?"

Tony's grin widened. He felt a slap.

"Thanks, Boss. Now that I've already been punished for showing up late, I might as well show up late."

"Don't even think about it, or you will get all the worst jobs. For a month."

"Right, Boss."

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**Please review. I'd love to know what you think of it. The little button is right there. All reviewers may have their choice of Abby Hugs or Gibbs slaps.**


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